Working Toward Normalcy
From reading about my family you're probably thinking we're pretty strange, but the truth is we're actually growing more and more normal with every generation. Want proof?
Four Generations Ago: My Great-great-great-Grandfather Secundo Panizza was married four times. Okay so that's not so strange until you find out the first three wives died mysteriously. According to family legend whenever Secundo got tired of his current wife he would go out mushroom picking. Soon after his wife would die. Coincidence or serial killer? No one knows for sure...
We do know that his fourth wife outlived him, so I like to think she got him, before he got her! At least Secundo wasn't a Martini. Everyone knows Martinis don't commit felonies, only misdemeanors!
Fact that probably only interests me: Because of this family legend nobody in our family would ever eat the mushrooms my Dad picked out in the woods!
Three Generations Ago: My Mom has a photograph of my Great-Great Grandfather Martini and his two brothers that was taken in the late 19th century. The three of them have long scraggly beards, big floppy hats and are smoking what appears to be corn cob pipes. (Nobody knows exactly what they were smoking!) Yes it's true, I'm descended from Italian hillbillies! Whenever I see that photo I think of the film Deliverance and I wonder...how do you say "Squeal like a pig" in Italian!
Two Generations Ago: "Martinis swing from trees!" So said my Great-Uncle John upon returning from his first trip back to Italy since he was a young man. When pressed for more information he refused to say anything else. Speculation within the family has ranged from:
When my Dad was 18 he joined the army. In his second year of duty he was transferred to an army base in Colorado and soon thereafter was promoted to Corporal. Things were going along great until May 1949 when my Dad started getting homesick. Now if I was a "daddy's boy", my Dad was a "momma's boy". Like me, my Dad was the baby of his family and he was spoiled rotten by his Mom. Anyway my Dad decided that he had to get home to New Jersey for Mother's Day to see his Mom, so he requested a 2 week leave, which was denied. Now at this point most soldiers would have just went out and got drunk, but not my Dad. Instead he went AWOL and hopped a train heading back east, spent Mother's Day with his Mom and then hopped another train headed back west.
When my Dad got back to the base he discovered that the U.S. Army is surprisingly lacking in a sense of humor when it comes to desertion. He was thrown in the stockade, which for those of you who aren't familiar with the military is jail. In the end they took pity on a young man who wanted to see his Mom. My Dad got bucked down to Private First Class and was honorably discharged, which considering the circumstances was a pretty lenient punishment. Of course all of this happened during peacetime. I'm not sure if the results would have been the same if my Dad had gone AWOL during wartime!
Today: Yep that's me - Generation 0. I've never poisoned my wife with mushrooms, stolen a horse or been arrested. Slowly but surely my family has become, dare i say it, almost boringly normal. My son Nick will probably grow up to be a peace corps worker or missionary who doesn't smoke, drink or use drugs. Then again if wants to be President he might be better off drinking, smoking, doing drugs and going AWOL! Hey it worked for our current President!
P.S. I think I probably lost my Republicans friends with that last joke!
Four Generations Ago: My Great-great-great-Grandfather Secundo Panizza was married four times. Okay so that's not so strange until you find out the first three wives died mysteriously. According to family legend whenever Secundo got tired of his current wife he would go out mushroom picking. Soon after his wife would die. Coincidence or serial killer? No one knows for sure...
We do know that his fourth wife outlived him, so I like to think she got him, before he got her! At least Secundo wasn't a Martini. Everyone knows Martinis don't commit felonies, only misdemeanors!
Fact that probably only interests me: Because of this family legend nobody in our family would ever eat the mushrooms my Dad picked out in the woods!
Three Generations Ago: My Mom has a photograph of my Great-Great Grandfather Martini and his two brothers that was taken in the late 19th century. The three of them have long scraggly beards, big floppy hats and are smoking what appears to be corn cob pipes. (Nobody knows exactly what they were smoking!) Yes it's true, I'm descended from Italian hillbillies! Whenever I see that photo I think of the film Deliverance and I wonder...how do you say "Squeal like a pig" in Italian!
Two Generations Ago: "Martinis swing from trees!" So said my Great-Uncle John upon returning from his first trip back to Italy since he was a young man. When pressed for more information he refused to say anything else. Speculation within the family has ranged from:
- Martinis are monkeys, which actually makes a lot of sense if you know how hairy we are!
- Martinis are horse thieves who are hung from trees. There's actually a family legend that the Martinis were horse thieves back in the 1800s, but by the time my Great-Uncle John visited in the sixties, I'm sure they would have moved on to at least stealing vespas!
- Martinis are monkeys who steal horses AND are hung from trees!
...to
...to
When my Dad was 18 he joined the army. In his second year of duty he was transferred to an army base in Colorado and soon thereafter was promoted to Corporal. Things were going along great until May 1949 when my Dad started getting homesick. Now if I was a "daddy's boy", my Dad was a "momma's boy". Like me, my Dad was the baby of his family and he was spoiled rotten by his Mom. Anyway my Dad decided that he had to get home to New Jersey for Mother's Day to see his Mom, so he requested a 2 week leave, which was denied. Now at this point most soldiers would have just went out and got drunk, but not my Dad. Instead he went AWOL and hopped a train heading back east, spent Mother's Day with his Mom and then hopped another train headed back west.
When my Dad got back to the base he discovered that the U.S. Army is surprisingly lacking in a sense of humor when it comes to desertion. He was thrown in the stockade, which for those of you who aren't familiar with the military is jail. In the end they took pity on a young man who wanted to see his Mom. My Dad got bucked down to Private First Class and was honorably discharged, which considering the circumstances was a pretty lenient punishment. Of course all of this happened during peacetime. I'm not sure if the results would have been the same if my Dad had gone AWOL during wartime!
Today: Yep that's me - Generation 0. I've never poisoned my wife with mushrooms, stolen a horse or been arrested. Slowly but surely my family has become, dare i say it, almost boringly normal. My son Nick will probably grow up to be a peace corps worker or missionary who doesn't smoke, drink or use drugs. Then again if wants to be President he might be better off drinking, smoking, doing drugs and going AWOL! Hey it worked for our current President!
P.S. I think I probably lost my Republicans friends with that last joke!
