The Beast with One Back
I'm planning to someday write a book called "Things to Embarass My Kids With When They Become Teenagers". Chaper 1 will be "The Beast with One Back". So right now you're probably thinking to yourself - "what the hell is this guy talking about". Well I'll tell you...
My almost 4 year old son Nick has this embarassing habit of humping the floor or furniture whenever he gets a chance. Last night he actually fell asleep while violating the ottoman in my office, which is wrong on so many levels!
He started doing this a couple years ago and at the time everyone we spoke with told us he'd grow out of the behavior eventually. Well that hasn't happened yet, but at least he's no longer doing it in public. (Imagine being in a crowded restaurant and looking down to see your 2 year old son on the floor doing the...well you know what he was doing!) Still this behavior is seriously freaking out my wife Andrea, who didn't have any brothers and thus has little experience with the male fascination with our own penises. At this point she's ready to stick him in a metal cup (i.e. athletic supporter) to stop the madness!
Now when he's not humping the floor, Nick has one other idiosyncrasy, he's constantly adjusting himself in public. The latest episode happened last week when we were having dinner with my wife's parents. We decided to sit the kids at their own booth, so we could enjoy chatting with other adults without interuption. Good idea in theory, bad idea in practice. About 20 minutes into dinner we looked over and saw that Nick had lifted his shirt up and stuck his hand down his pants. At this point we were the only ones who had noticed this, so Andrea quietly told Nick to put down his shirt and get his hands out of his pants. Of course Nick responded by screaming over and over again at the top of his lungs:
"But my peepee not's down!"
...which of course got the attention of the rest of the restaurant! Andrea responded by burying her head in her hands on the table, while the entire restaurant laughed, so it was left to me to go over and shield Nick so he could adjust himself away from the prying eyes of the public. Oh the joys of parenthood!
My almost 4 year old son Nick has this embarassing habit of humping the floor or furniture whenever he gets a chance. Last night he actually fell asleep while violating the ottoman in my office, which is wrong on so many levels!
He started doing this a couple years ago and at the time everyone we spoke with told us he'd grow out of the behavior eventually. Well that hasn't happened yet, but at least he's no longer doing it in public. (Imagine being in a crowded restaurant and looking down to see your 2 year old son on the floor doing the...well you know what he was doing!) Still this behavior is seriously freaking out my wife Andrea, who didn't have any brothers and thus has little experience with the male fascination with our own penises. At this point she's ready to stick him in a metal cup (i.e. athletic supporter) to stop the madness!Now when he's not humping the floor, Nick has one other idiosyncrasy, he's constantly adjusting himself in public. The latest episode happened last week when we were having dinner with my wife's parents. We decided to sit the kids at their own booth, so we could enjoy chatting with other adults without interuption. Good idea in theory, bad idea in practice. About 20 minutes into dinner we looked over and saw that Nick had lifted his shirt up and stuck his hand down his pants. At this point we were the only ones who had noticed this, so Andrea quietly told Nick to put down his shirt and get his hands out of his pants. Of course Nick responded by screaming over and over again at the top of his lungs:
"But my peepee not's down!"
...which of course got the attention of the rest of the restaurant! Andrea responded by burying her head in her hands on the table, while the entire restaurant laughed, so it was left to me to go over and shield Nick so he could adjust himself away from the prying eyes of the public. Oh the joys of parenthood!
